Eshu's tOughts

Just like Zuur’s diary but with as much angst as a White Wolf fiction of the 1990s

978, on Despayre

There is nothing I’d like more than curl up into a ball and cry. That lovely illusion I had crafted has been ripped to shreds. I’m all alone, naked and scared.

I need answers. I need them to make sense.

981, toward Sky Citadel

I used to see Officer Ohim’s smile as a proof of paternal warmth toward the young recruit I was. How wrong was I to confuse it with the smirk of a rancor in front of his next meal.

He’s an acting officer in a space station near Aethen II. I’m heading there and see if there is a way to finish with him. Treason can’t go unpunished.

981, Sky Citadel near Aethen II

The world I used to know is gone. The Galactic Republic I lived to serve is dead and its murderers have edicted a so-called new Imperial Order. Yesterday’s heroes are today’s alleged traitors. No one seems to care.

Even I have become a bodyguard or, more likely, a goon for some crime lord Keees introduced me to. It doesn’t thrill me, but I need a few credits.

I have met others: a young Zabrak. I say young but he’s probably my age or so. He reminds me so much of who I was before, so clueless of the world around him. He stupidly suggested to a crime lord to make a “diversion”. The kid understood too late how much blood that entailed.

There is also a weird Jedi apprentice. I don’t know much about him, but I don’t see him hanging around in the entourage of a crime lord for long. Not the type.

Finally, there is a droid and the concubine of the crime lord. Both seem like prime contestants for the “I will screw you” contest. If had some credit, I wouldn’t know on which I would place it. They might have rigged the bets together. By the way, who’s KZ’s master? Not sure, but the droid seem to have a very loose interpretation of its orders.

981, on Nar Shada

Every single day I wake up knowing my soul is getting slowly sucked off by this job. I don’t know how Ludra manages to pull it off.

It’s likely the boss will attempt to double-cross Vasha. I hope the Jedi is bright enough to figure it out by himself. Anyway, I got to leave and fast. KZ has found some guy who might help me find out what happened to her.

981, in the Last Gambit, towards Mos Eisley

We are now hunted by the imperial boys in white, a Hutt crimelord and, probably, our former boss. Right now, I don’t care much.

There doesn’t seem to be any place for me in this new imperial galactic order. I’m not sure if the prospects for Zuur are any better, unless he lose all his youthful naivety and all shreds of moral dignity. Prospects for Vasha cleary suck, however. Maybe that’s why we’re all together, drifting in the galaxy.

Will I get my answer before that last fatal blaster shot?

981, at Mos Esley

We are in deep trouble and our droid is bean counting credits like he was some accountant running a corner shop. Damn it, we’re at war, droid! It’s a question of time before we get killed, lying in a pool of blood in some forgotten space station’s back alley. A better blaster or a stronger armor gives us a few more days to live.

981, at the Dorel residence, on Dorin

My feelings had the better of me. I behaved like a immature kid in front of her, just like I would have done three years ago. Haven’t I changed? She sure did.

I’ll meet her soon and get the answers to all of those questions which bounced in my head for the last three years.

981, at the Dorel residence as always, on Dorin

Joemma called me a mercenary during dinner. I didn’t correct her despite how wrong the lady is. A mercenary fights for money. I fight because I don’t know how else I can show this forsaken galaxy that I won’t surrender.

981, toward the Jedi temple, on Dorin

The last few days, well , nights, were the best in my life. I found a soul mate, one that I can understand me and that I can understand. I’m in love.

It’s quite ironic that it’s what separated us which bonded us so deeply. Perhaps I should send an invite to Ohim – the fucker is now an imperial big shot! I guess treachery pays well – to attend our wedding.

I jest of course. The times of the fairytales are long gone, if they ever existed. I’m not sure if I’ll see Lenka again after leaving Dorin, but, at least, there is now a bright star shining in the dark sky of my life.

We’ve got an assignment: escort some Jedi apprentices to a remote Jedi Temple. This is nearly suicidal: it would take at least 20 elite soldiers to do it, and we are six, including a protocol droid, lacking the necessary equipment necessary to pull it off with decent chances of survival.

Vasha and Zuur came out with the stupidest plan they could think of: steal the Jedi apprentices from Lenka. Fortunately, KZ and Ni’Maani were able to talk them out of such a boneheaded idea. You know you’re screwed when your best military tacticians are a former concubine and a protocol droid. Fun times.

981, at the Jedi temple on Dorin

The last few days have been quite something.

We made first contact with the Jedi who didn’t exactly welcome us with open arms.

After confiscating our weapons, the Jedi locked me up with Zuur in a makeshift cell, a tent, really. I had no clue about what they did to the others. Sure thing, this was the tell-tale sign of trouble to come.

Zuur and I were brought in front of some sort of Jedi council at-large who didn’t seem to care much about the predicament of the Caamasi we had to escort later. Who seemed to be the eldest Jedi around calmly stated that we would never be allowed to leave, as we had discovered their secret hideout. Zuur threw a tantrum, yelling that “it wasn’t fair!” or something like that.

Well, kid, I know you’re late to the party, but life is everything but fair. If it was, your parents would be babysitting you around, Vasha would learn great life lessons on the laps of his Jedi master and I would still be wearing a shining blue uniform on Coruscant instead of wallowing with refugees.

For the moment, the Jedi seem to be happy with hiding under their rock, waiting to be discovered and mowed down by the Emperor’s finest. With such tactical acumen, no wonder they got their Force-wizened ass kicked by a bunch of clones under Palpatine’s orders (speaking of which, how a senator from backwater planet managed to take command is beyond me). I really hope they have a better plan and are simply not trusting us to share it.

The eldest (?) Jedi blamed us for being mistrustful. I can’t fathom how we could be otherwise with our weapons taken away and some sort of restraining order to remain at the temple , but I guess am not wise in the Force enough to see the proper path to enlightment. On the other hand, I can fully understand the Jedi’s security concerns.

I tried to raise a few points regarding the Caamasi, but they seem to fall on deaf hears. Either that or the Jedi were trying to play the “I don’t care for your opinion puny commoner” attitude.

After the meeting, Joema came in and scolded Zuur for being an idiot (I hope she doesn’t take a liking to that, as she’ll have a voice exhaustion in less than a week) and failing the test. I guess the Jedi council isn’t desperate enough to accept Zuur as a candidate. I have to be honest, I understand I failed the test too, but it’s not exactly as I care much about the Jedi’s opinion of my little person. I care that I’m letting down Lenka by being grounded here.

We had a second meeting and KZ tagged along (where was the droid before?). It went a lot better. The Jedi seem to take a liking to Zuur, a bit like he was their retarded cousin.

Nevertheless, along with a few Jedi we took (uneventfully, to my surprise) custody of the Caamasi Force-users and I got a last chance to kiss my shining star. Despite her claims to the opposite, I don’t expect to see her again. I’ve swore to protect her and me being around her is not exactly the best way to fulfill such an oath. Returning to the temple was a difficult affair, as holding her signet ring reminded me of older, sweeter times, now gone with the wind.

I’m trying to get myself useful for the Jedi, simply to keep myself busy and avoid becoming insane.

I also understood why I’m so hard on Zuur. The guy remains me so much of the wide-eyed youth I was before “that day”. It’s almost like I’m seeing myself in him and he keeps screaming “Once you had everything you could possibly want and were happy, now you have only fleeting memories and no real dream to fulfill”. Only revenge, and then what?

981, at the Dorell Ranch on Dorin

So we started our plan to infiltrate the Dorell compound to, basically, exfiltrate Kasiri’s droid which is of some importance for Vasha’s mission. I’m tagging along the Jedi for reasons I can’t really fathom, but it may bring me closer to dealing with Ohim, an opportunity I can’t refuse.

Everything is going along well, in fact, a little too well.

Now, wait, what?

Vasha and Joema have decided to not follow the plan and go explore upstairs on their own, pretending they have to make sure no one cuts our escape route. That would be a more-than decent idea, if only for the slight matter that our escape route is FORWARD and not behind us. It’s too late to call them back, and my guess is that they wouldn’t listen anyway, clamoring about “the will of the Force” or some bullshit like that. I will really need to have a talk with Vasha if he doesn’t trip on a land-mine or something.

Zuur, who’s actually acting like a pro, isn’t happy and neither am I.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

982, back at Sky Citadel, orbiting near Aeten II

So much as happened since I first arrived here. Those few months seem like hours or centuries, depending on how I look at them. I made friends, well sort of, and I made ennemies. Many of them.

I saw Lenka again. My shining star. The one that make me feel what I do as any sort of sense,

We are boarding a ship which we will commandeer to bring us to the so-called “arch”, some old jedi space ship. Leran Zarin wants some old jedi trash artifacts for some reason. This old bastard is too cunning to not have devised a way to hold us by the balls. I just don’t know what he planned.

It took everything I had to avoid pulling the trigger when I saw Zurek Ohim flying around, but I can’t jeopardize everything for the others. I know the time will come. A time when Ohim will feel the same pain I felt because of his treason. This endeavor will probably be my undoing, but I prefer to die as a man than to live without honor.

Whatever. I’m still in doubt about what we are supposed to do once we take control of the ship. I couldn’t careless about some old jedi holovids but I’m not dumb enought to realize the danger of letting the Empire getting advanced cloaking technology for its ships. No way I’m letting an Imperial kow-towing contractor getting that shit.

Eshu's tOughts

Star Wars: A Flicker of Hope hugolabreche FXR